I've gone through a lot of emotional stress in the past five years, thank God I have my wonderful husband Nick who stood beside me through all of it, and and awesome family. But as I said in my last post, it just put me way over the edge with my weight. I ballooned way up, at one point to a size 18. I'm not too far off from that now, at least I wasn't before I started weight watchers two weeks ago. Last week I lost 4 1/2 pounds, and tomorrow I find out how many I lost this week! I finally feel like I will have permanent success with my weight loss this time, for a variety of factors. The first and most important is that I have spent some quality time with Jesus praying about how I got to be where I am emotionally, what kinds of wrong vows I made to myself over the course of my life, and asked for help in trying to break free of all of that. One thing I have learned very clearly over the years is that I just don't have the strength to change this part of my life on my own, and yet I've never really given it over to the Lord to deal with me about it. Now I really don't know why I didn't have a good heart to heart with Him about this stuff sooner, because I feel lighter emotionally, and I have a confidence that I've never had before.
Another thing that I know is going to really contribute to my success is that I have a really important goal to look ahead to. Babies! I am so jealous (and happy for of course!) of all my friends that are or have had babies recently. Another thing that the Lord has shown me in the past couple of months is that I am ready to be a mom. My heart yearns every time a cute baby comes through my line at work, every time another of my friends announces they are pregnant, every time I hang out with my little nieces. So this time, losing weight is not just about MY health, or my vanity, it is about being able to have the healthiest baby possible, about giving my future babies a healthy mom that has the energy to run around after them and play with them all day. It's about my future, Nick's future, and our little family that we are dying to start. It's also that I want to have a natural birth, and I don't want anyone telling me that I've made that goal impossible due to my weight. Have you seen the documentary "The Business of Being Born"? If you haven't, you really should, and maybe you will see why this is so important to me. My mom had all of my four siblings at home ( I was the stubborn exception. I did not want to come out of her womb, and so she ended up having me at the hospital), and It was amazing because I got to be there for every birth. In the room. I don't remember screaming and crying and gross stuff like they show in the movies when women have babies without the aid of drugs, I remember the first looks at my siblings, and my mom's face when she held them for the first time. So that's what I want. I want my babies the natural way, and I want to be healthy to do it.
The sweater for my nephew
This time I also have my awesome friend Sarah, who has a lot of the same goals as I do, taking the journey with me. We've joined Weight Watchers together, and it's really helpful to have someone to keep you accountable, encourage you when you feel stuck, and just be able to talk to honestly about what you are going through with someone who will understand. It's also nice because Sarah is turning into a bit of a health nut, which I say as a good thing of course, and I get to benefit when she shares her research and new info with me.
And lastly there is Weight Watchers. I've done it before with success, but have always dropped off after a few weeks. This time I know I won't because they have changed up the way they do things around there. Some of you may be familiar with weight watchers and how it works, but for those of you that aren't, weight watchers is based on a point system. The points are calculated factoring in Fat, Fiber, Carbs, and Protein. You get a certain amount of points in a day, and it's calculated to help you lose a healthy amount of weight each week. Well before, fruits and veggies had point values that you had to subtract from your daily allotment, which I am sorry to say made me pass them up more often than not. Now fruits and veggies are points-free, which has made all the difference in the world when it comes to my eating mindset. Now I eat between 5-7 servings of fruits and veggies a day! I've NEVER in my whole life met the goal for fresh produce. I can't even tell you how good it's made me feel. I have more energy, I eat less processed sugars, so I don't crash halfway through the day. And best of all, no more digestive issues. I'm sold. I plan on eating like this for the rest of my life. It's amazing.
Pretty soon all of those cute cardis and sweaters I have in my Ravelry Que won't seem like they are a waste to knit. I won't have to wonder how they will fit me while I am super over weight. Pretty soon I'll be able to be a healthy weight, and I am going to reward myself by knitting my own adorable cardigan. In the mean time I will be motivating myself with baby stuff, like the blanket I'm knitting for my friend's baby, and the sweater I knit for my future nephew. Before I know it, I'll have reached my goal, and more importantly, changed my life forever.
I've mostly written this blog post for myself, to encourage myself and keep record of where I am at, but I hope that somehow it encourages at least one other person to go for it. To work on their hearts, to lean on Jesus for support, and to change their lifestyle and their life. All of this is worth the effort. I totally see that now.
Anna's baby blanket (almost finished)